Strange Techniques and Weird Scenarios
by Trying Too Hard To Be Cool
Summary: Easy steps to improve your writing. Or not. R&R! TIP 18 - A girl with beautiful blonde hair and sparkling blue orbs peered round the doorway. "My name is Lucy Nogi… I'm here to audition…" Gender-bent Luca Nogi said shyly. Natsume stared. "… Get out."
1. Chapter 1

**How to make your readers interested without having to work hard by using strange techniques and weird scenarios (I know you guys needed these tips ;P)**

**1. Include words no one knows the meaning of, therefore making them think so hard about what they mean that they don't acknowledge the fact that it's very badly written and has no plot.**

"Ever wondered what a papoose would look like if it had no ears?" Mikan asked her compatriots, sitting across from her.

"I, for one, think that a bambino would look inscrutable without any hearing organs," Kokoroyomi the extrasensory whippersnapper reciprocated. Mikan rolled her optical organs in exacerbation.

"Whatever your feedback, my presumption of the topic of which we are discussing is that it would be a rather stupendous idea at that!" she acknowledged him.

"Would you refrain from that rambunctious ultrasound before I am dragooned to inflict the most vexatious, umbrageous pain you will ever feel to your bodies?" Natsume Hyuuga vented, tumultuous at being awoken from his urbane inactivity.

"Somebody's quite aggravated by our exchanging in social intercourse," Mikan insinuated to Kokoroyomi, browsing at Natsume briefly. He respired through his nose in irascibility and turned his attention back to his book.

"Contemptible teenyboppers," he grumbled as he turned a page.

**2. Having a freaky scenario of Mikan and her friends like, 90-something and speaking in old-school talk is a perfect way to try and capture an interesting prospective. After all, everyone loves it when the crew are grown up, so why not over-do it a bit? It's FANfiction, after all.**

"Hotaru, old bean, it's been simply ages since I last saw you!" 93-year-old Mikan Sakura said, leaning back in her rocking chair. Hotaru clacked her false teeth.

"I can't say I'm so thrilled to see you," she replied, "You're certainly no cherub anymore."

"Don't be rude to Sakura-san," a 94-year-old, sand-grey-and-also-very-very-shiny-with-just-a-hint-of-silver-haired man said, S-L-O-W-L-Y (he was _so_ old it was painful just to talk), "seeing as she was so kind to welcome us into her home."

"Well, she hasn't decorated it very nicely," the 93-year-old version of Hotaru Imai commented obnoxiously, "All I see here are pictures of her grandchildren. Why, there's not a hint of beige any where!"

"Well," 93-year-old Mikan said angrily, "It didn't seem to bother my hubby when I showed him how nice our house looked."

"It just looks to me like a house for run-down teenyboppers selling off drugs," 93-year-old Hotaru sniffed.

"How is our old chum Natsume, anyway?" 94-year-old Luca enquired. 93-year-old Mikan rolled her eyes.

"He's out spooking people again. Honestly, he's so lucky to have been tragically killed, it's never worked out better for him!"

At this point, most readers would be thinking, "Hold on a sec. Natsume's dead? What kind of a fanfic is this?!" and then would click off to read more yaoi Twilight fanfics. However, there is a perfectly good explanation as to why Natsume is dead.

"You suckers are waaaaay too nimble!" jeered a fresh-sounding voice. 94-year-old Natsume Hyuuga's ghostly essence sat down next to Mikan.

"Natsume, dear, where have you been?" 93-year-old Mikan asked, wrinkling up her already-wrinkly brow.

"I was busy making a three-year-old cry," cackled 94-year-old-ghost Natsume. "And, if I must say, it went pleasantly according to plan. He was snivelling like a little idiot!"

"You have no mercy," 93-year-old Hotaru said rudely, "Why, if you ever did such a thing to our fifteen grandchildren Bruce, Bubblegum, Fletcher, Randy, Jackolope, Petunia, Margret, Mason, Basketball, Neville, Fluffpops, Andrew, Scissors and Sam, I would be furious!"

"That's only fourteen," 94-year-old-ghost Natsume pointed out, rubbing his ghostly fingers together.

"I am amazed that you bothered to count," 94-year-old Luca said, rolling his old dried-up eyes.

"What's the name of the fifteenth child?" 93-year-old Mikan asked, clicking her fingernails together restlessly.

"Hmm… I don't know. I think it began with a w…"

"You silly goose," laughed 94-year-old Luca, "You know that you have dyslexia, it's an M. M for Mop."

"MOP?! It's Moppet!!" cried 93-year-old Hotaru, coughing up phlegm (she often did this if she over-exerted herself).

"Oh, so it is," chuckled 94-year-old Luca, wiggling his silver eyebrows.

**3. Having a total character SPAZM is the perfect way to show your love for a character.**

"Okay, my beautiful hair is styled juuuuuuust right," Luca Nogi (who indeed looked very fascinatingly beautiful) said as he smiled at his reflection in the mirror, revealing his dazzling white teeth. But of course, he didn't mean to say it in a way that could possibly come across as annoying - I mean, with such wondrous qualities, how could he be even close to annoying?

"Hello, my friend that should be the main character instead of me," Natsume Hyuuga (who didn't nearly look as perky and good-looking as Luca did). "Are you coming down to breakfast soon?" Luca nodded, showing off his baby-smooth skin.

When he arrived down at the breakfast table, he only chose the healthiest options for his breakfast (after all, one only looks good when they fill their body with the best food possible) and complimented the cook on how healthy she looked today, which was, of course, a complete lie.

**4. If you have them singing in all different languages, it shows your knowledge of world culture and how intelligent you are.**

"Ano hi mita sora, Akaneiro na sora wo," trilled Mikan, out of tune, as she fastened up her laces.

"Ich bin heir, Ich bin weir, Ich bin Ich, das allein ist meine shult," sang Hotaru, perfectly in tune, as she also fastened up her laces.

"Ahora que vamos despacio, Al corro de la patata, Al pasar la barca," hummed Natsume, in a low husky voice, as he as well tied up his laces.

"Frère Jacques, frère Jacques, Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? Sonnez les matines! Sonnez les matines! Din, dan, don. Din, dan, don," rambled Luca, in his smooth, accent-tinged voice, who was tying up his shoe laces as everyone else was.

**5. Try writing things in a play script, people love it when you show off how good you are at script-writing.**

Mikan: I am so annoyed!

Natsume: Why, Mikan?

Mikan: Jinno is at me because - Wait, did you just call me Mikan?

Hotaru: This is a spoiler, this is a spoiler. I thought we were still in the anime series.

Luca: Hotaru give me those pictures right now!

Hotaru: No.

Luca: Yes.

Hotaru: No.

Luca: Yes.

Hotaru: No.

**6. Describing stuff is SOOOOOOOOO annoying. Why not just do lots and lots of dialogue?**

"Hey, Mikan."

"What is it, Natsume?"

"Nothing."

"Then why did you talk to me?"

"I was bored."

"I'm even more bored."

"Nonoko, get out of here."

"You people are just no fun."

"We aren't no fun, we're just main characters."

"Main characters are supposed to be nice."

"Do you really think that we care? We ain't saints."

"Hehe, that rhymed. Lolz."

**7. By saying something, others can interpret it in many different ways. Why not let people decide where the story's going themselves?**

"Good morning." A Person came and stood next to Someone's desk.

"Good morning," Someone replied. A Person smiled and sat down next to Someone's desk.

"Well," A Person said, unsure of how to make conversation with Someone, "Have you had a good weekend?"

"Maybe," came Someone's reply. "How about you?"

"It depends," A Person said thoughtfully. "A lot of things have happened, but I'm not sure how to tell them to you."

**I'm not sure whether I'll ever continue this, but I hope you guys will review for me! =)**


	2. Chapter 2

**How to make your readers interested without having to work hard by using strange techniques and weird scenarios (I know you guys needed these tips ;P)**

**8. Don't you just love it when authors invent a new way of spelling things? It makes it your own.**

"Lik, wat yoo doin Natsume?" Mikan asced, sitteng dowen nxt tu Natsume. Natsume shruggd is sholderz.

"Nuthin much eniwai," he replyed. "Ow abowt yoo?"

"Just sitten heyer," she sed, appereen too bee board.

"Wel im alredi board from just lisenin 2 yoo torkin," Natsume retawted, stikin is tung owt.

**9. Lets pick a song-fic. My favourite song at the moment is "Cinderella". Yeah. Lets go with that.**

_I don't wanna be Cinderella,_

"I don't want to be Cinderella," Mikan moaned.

_Sitting in a dark cold dusty cellar,_

She was sat in a dark, cold, dusty cellar.

_Waiting for somebody,_

"I'm waiting for someone," Mikan called, as if expecting an answer.

_To come and set me free,_

"Anybody! Please, come and set me free!" But she was ignored.

**10. Hmm… How about writing a summary. We've gotta make it interesting, otherwise no one will want to read it.**

This is my first Gakuen Alice fanfic and I want lots of reviews so give them to me. This is a Mikan and Natsume fanfic, but it'll have Ruka, Hotaru and lots of other characters in too. Rated K, but may be mature at times.

**11. There we go! That was easy. Then, in case no one noticed the main character boxes or read the description…**

This is my first Gakuen Alice fanfic and I want lots of reviews so give them to me. This is a Mikan and Natsume fanfic, but it'll have Ruka, Hotaru and lots of other characters in too. Rated K, but may be mature at times.

NatsumexMikan.

**12. People love suspense.**

"Natsume!" shouted Mikan dramatically, as a raven-haired boy fell to the floor in defeat. "You can't die, you can't die!"

"Mikan… I must tell you, before I die…" He looked up at her with a face filled with emotion. "I've always loved you, Mikan, so, so, so much. But…" He took his final breath and said, in a voice barely audible, "…I'm your brother."

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

**13. Maybe the bad guys aren't always the bad guys. Maybe Tachibana Higuchi is just on the BULLY'S side.**

"Mikan, I can tell you everything you need to know about your mother," Luna Koizumi said, desperately trying to make friends. But rather than being pleased, like Mikan should've been (after all, she had, for quite some time, wanted to know about her mother and father), she began to cry.

"Waaaaah… you're so… *sniff!* horrible, Luna…!" Luna froze in shock.

"W-Wait… Mikan… Sakura! I can, um, I can tell you all about where your mom and dad are right now!" cried Luna, trying to stop the weeping girl's tears.

"Waaaaaaah! You're awful! Rub it in my face that my dad is dead and my mother's a crook, why don't you!" she sobbed.

"I-I never said that! I can tell you your birth secrets! Believe me!" begged Luna, grabbing onto her wrist. Mikan screamed.

"NOW YOU'RE ABUSING ME!" she shrieked, the hairs on her neck standing on end comically. "HOW COULD YOU, LUNA! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A BITTER OLD WOMAN, YOU TAKE IT OUT ON ME!" Luna's face darkened.

"You MEGABITCH!" Luna yelled. At that moment, Natsume burst into the room.

"How dare you insult Mikan - I mean, Polka-dots - like that!" he shouted.

LATER…

"… *Sniff!* Why didn't anyone… believe me…?" Luna wept, hunched up in a corner. "Sh-She called me bitter…"

**14. Who doesn't like a good old shootout?**

"I'll take you down, Natsume!" Mikan yelled, shaking her fist.

"That's my line, Strawberry-Print," he called back, his stumpy eyebrows arched dramatically. At the same time, they pulled out guns.

"I had a feeling it would come to this," Mikan said huskily, whipping a cigar out of her mouth and stamping it out. "I just never thought the situation would be held here of all places."

Around them the happy shoppers of Central Town were wandering around doing their daily business.

"We shoot on three… two… ONE!" At once, a marshmallow hit Mikan's forehead.

"… A marshmallow?" she looked perplexed.

"I…I couldn't hit a girl!" Natsume defended, going against every fibre of his being by not setting her hair alight right then and there.

"Then I bid you farewell, my friend."

BANG!

Needless to say, the outcome was not pretty on Natsume's part.

**I'm not sure whether I'll ever continue this, but I hope you guys will review for me! =)**

**I just realised. This chapter is way shorter than the last. But, to be fair, it had things that can only be short, really, like summaries and songfics. NOT GOOD for long chapters D:**

…**So, yah. When I cut out the Authors Note, I realised the word count of this was 777. And there are seven entries in each chapter. That's freaking scary. Or lucky. I'm not sure :S**


	3. Chapter 3

**How to make your readers interested without having to work hard by using strange techniques and weird scenarios (I know you guys needed these tips ;P)**

**15. Some OCs are necessary for plot development.**

"Hey, Sapphire Diamond," Mikan called. The most breathtakingly beautiful girl you will EVER see turned around, batting her long black eyelashes elegantly.

"What is it, Mikan, my bestest friend in the world?" she asked innocently, charmingly smiling and revealing her dazzling white teeth.

"I've always wondered, what is your Alice?" Mikan asked, trying her best to please the young beauty by flicking her hair back attractively.

"Oh, my Alice? It's the Mary-Sue Alice," Sapphire said sweetly, smiling prettily. Mikan nodded understandingly.

"How interesting," she said happily.

**16. Product Placement inspires people to buy goods.**

"Check it out, guys! I'm eating Heinz Beans!" Mikan grinned, showing off her tin of baked beans. Natsume sniffed.

"Oh yeah? Well, I'm drinking Diet Coke!"

"Pur-lease," scoffed Luca. "You think that's cool. I'm eating Pringles!"

"Well I'M eating Uncle Ben's rice!" Hotaru said. "You can buy it off me for a price."

"My food is better than yours," Kokoroyomi Yome called. "I happen to be eating Ritz Crackers!"

"And I'm drinking Tropicana Orange Juice!" Kitsuneme added happily, shoving a carton of juice in Mikan's face.

"I'm using Loreal Hairspray!" Permy announced, proving that her perm would keep in place. "Because I'm worth it."

"Well, I'm eating a Snickers!" Tsubasa pointed out.

"Hel-lo! Domino's Pizza!" growled Misaki and her many duplicates, each holding a slice.

"I'm eating Skittles. You know… tasting the rainbow," Narumi said, giggling.

"And I'm wearing Jane Norman's… TINY MINISKIRTS!" Roy Mustang shouted, losing control and ripping off his shirt.

The whole room was silent.

"…Wait. Who are you…?" Mikan asked.

**17. Adding the fanfic author to the plot is fun and lively.**

"Woah! How'd I get here?" TTHTBC gasped, suddenly falling into the world of Gakuen Alice.

"Oh! Are you a new Alice?" asked Mikan eagerly, running up to meet TTHTBC.

"Erm… Yes…? I guess I have the Alice of… writing funny fanfics?" Mikan's eyes shined.

"Awesome! This is Natsume, this is Luca-Pyon and this is Hotaru!" Mikan introduced the other main characters.

"I love you, Luca-Pyon," TTHTBC said dreamily. Luca-Pyon backed away.

"Er… Who are you…?" he asked awkwardly, as TTHTBC glomped his arm.

"I'm Trying Too Hard To Be Cool. I am an infamous fan fiction writer, and I love the world and Luca-Pyon! I absolutely adore anything Luca-Pyon! I'm even saving up for a Luca-Pyon poster which hopefully I'll put up in my room one day!" she giggled, throwing her arms around him and smacking her lips on his cheek. Everyone gasped in horror.

"THIS IS AWFUL!" wailed Mikan. "YOU JUST KILLED CANON PLOT! NOW HOTARU'S GOING TO HAVE TO MARRY YOUICHI!"

"Huh! What!" Hotaru suddenly stared at them. "Can you repeat what you just said? I was spacing out."

**18. Three words: Natsume Teh Playa**

"You're not the politest of girls around, you happen to be my arch nemesis in the form of a girl, your hair is always too curly, I never date girls that make toxic potions, I don't want my dinner to run away from me so I'll be saying no, you are just an anime-only character, you are a mecha-otaku freak, and you wear polka-dot panties and have non-existent boobs. End of. Okay, next!"

Misaki, Nobara, Sumire, Nonoko, Anna, Wakako, Hotaru and Mikan were all stood in bathing suits, looking pissed off. Natsume was sat at a desk.

"But I paid to get in here!" Wakako cried desperately.

"I don't care," Natsume said, shrugging. "Do you girls think this beauty pageant is a joke?"

"U-Um…" a timid voice came from the other end of the room.

"What is it?" barked Natsume. A small girl with beautiful blonde hair and sparkling blue orbs peered round the doorway.

"My name is Lucy Nogi… I'm here to audition…" Gender-bent Luca Nogi said shyly. Natsume stared.

"… Get out."

**19. Parental fanfics are the best. Go write a parental fic, it's guaranteed at LEAST fifteen reviews within four days.**

"Um… Well… I've never had a mom before…" swallowed Kokoroyomi, staring at the floor in melancholy. "So…" He looked up, his eyes swimming with tears. "Will you be my mom, Narumi-sensei?"

"Just call me Ma," Narumi said, bursting with pride. Kokoroyomi climbed onto his lap and gave him a hug.

"My mom! My mom!" he bawled.

Narumi secretly grinned.

"Stage one complete…"

**20. But obviously, Narumi can be shared.**

"HEY! Narumi-sensei is MY dad!" Mikan said accusingly, pointing Natsume's marshmallow gun at him.

"We can share him!" argued Kokoroyomi. "He's my MOM, not my Dad! Anyway, what are you doing with Natsume's marshmallow gun?"

"We traded guns. Natsume said he wanted a more manly gun, so I was perfectly happy with the trade," she said, shrugging.

MEANWHILE…

"Suck this, Luca! I have a REAL gun now!" Natsume said, swaggering around with his new revolver. Luca curled his lip.

"Well, I have a rifle gun," he bragged, hitting Natsume over the head with it until he could see blood.

ANYWAY…

"But when I was seven Narumi promised me that he would be MY mom!" Sumire shouted, eyes filling up with tears. "Was that a lie?"

"He promised to be my BROTHER!" Tono yelled, bursting into the room. "We even shared a bath, we were that close…" He trailed off.

All of a sudden, four pairs of eyes swung towards Narumi, who was licking his lips nervously.

"Don't worry, everybody. I was BORN to do this!" All of a sudden, Sumire pulled out one of her perms cello taped to her head and at once it transformed into a light saber.

Needless to say, the outcome wasn't pretty.

**21. Sumire becomes internet-obsessed.**

"Like, anyone on Facebook?" Sumire wanted to know, twirling a perm round her finger. "Because I need everyone's addys so we can communicate."

"What's Facebook?" Mikan wanted to know. Sumire gasped in horror. (INDOOR LIGHTNING ATTACK!)

"Only the greatest possible website in the world!" she shrieked. "you can chat to people, poke people, make new friends, post pictures, statuses, messages, you can even- HEY, I GOT A TWEET!" At once she dropped Mikan like a hot potato and dashed to her phone.

"What's a tweet?" Mikan wanted to know. Sumire gasped in horror. (MORE INDOOR LIGHTNING!)

"ONLY FROM THE GREATEST POSSIBLE WEBSITE IN THE WORLD, TWITTER!" she yelled. "YOU CAN CHAT TO PEOPLE, TWEET TO PEOPLE, MAKE NEW FRIENDS, POST- Heyy! I got virtually poked!" At once she pushed Mikan over and grabbed her phone.

"What's a poke?" Mikan wanted to know. Sumire gasped in horror, a clump of her hair falling out.

"YOU DON'T KNOW?" she gasped. "A POKE IS WHEN SOMEONE ON FACEBOOK, ONLY THE GREATEST WEBSITE IN THE WORLD, GETS YOUR ATTE-"

Blue in the face, Sumire collapsed on the ground, one of her perms breaking her fall and sticking into the floor like a knife.


End file.
